I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic
by yurirawr
Summary: I laughed at myself. How pathetic I had become. I sat down on the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees. I had become nothing. I kept laughing at myself. I was insane. I was pathetic. What had I become? Rated M language&citrus Based on my life events
1. The Beginning of an End of a Beginning

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 1**

**The Beginning of an End of a Beginning**

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**This story is based somewhat on my life. This first chapter really did happen to me. No I don't want pity. I just want someone to understand life is not easy. The part i leave out in this story is that my dad almost killed me in front of both my sisters. Through out this story i will do flashbacks of what happened. Not all of this will be true except for the flash backs and bits and parts. This is after all a fanfiction, but really i never got a chance to tell anyone what happened. No one wanted to listen. No one believed me. But now someone in a way will know. And some one in a way will learn you have to save yourself, because you prince in shining armor will never come. He certainly never came for me and took me away from those soul breaking years. SAVE YOURSELF BEFORE ITS TO LATE.**

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"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!" I said as I pulled my wrist out of her iron grip.

"Oh, and what are you going to do about it?"

I hated the sound of her voice. I hated the way she looked. I hated how her skin sagged and the skin around her jaw line hung like a sloth from a tree around her neck. "This." I pushed her really hard out of the doorway of my room against the hallway's wall.

THUMP!!

I was thrown to the floor, pain shooting throughout my body. I looked up to see my father, or should I say person who donated his seed, because of the way he had treated me for the past 3 years. His hazel eyes turned yellow when he was mad, and boy was he mad. I just gave him a disgusted look. "If that crack whore ever touches me again, I won't hesitate to slit her throat in her sleep." I pushed myself up from the floor.

I heard her laugh. Oh how it made my cringe every time I heard it. I wanted to rip my ears right off of the side of my head. "CRACK WHORE!?! You are the one who snorts cocaine up the nose of yours and gets so fucked up you don't remember what happens."

I stared at her with so much hatred in my eyes it could put Satan himself to shame. "You don't know anything about me. You don't know anything about that night!"

"I know everything about you."

I knew she thought she did. I knew she went in my room when I wasn't there. I actually caught her going through my stuff while I was asleep. But I had secrets hidden in places she would never find. I had secrets hidden so deep in my mind I could barely remember them myself. "You only think you do. You only found out I did cocaine and was raped because I wanted you to find out." I laughed. "You know nothing," I whispered.

She walked off and my father just stared at me. "What are you looking at?" I spat with malice in my tone. He just shook his head and continued to watch me. I walked to my closet and started throwing my belongings into a suitcase and cardboard box. "What are you doing?" I heard him inquire.

"I'm packing my shit. What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?" I didn't even bother to look at him. I just kept throwing my clothes in my box. "You're not going anywhere." He said with anger and hurt. "You wanna bet?" I challenged as I continued to pack.

I felt the floor give in a little when he stalked toward me. Suddenly my arm was yanked. "I said you're not going anywhere!" I yanked my arm back out of his grip and pushed him. "Don't fucking touch me!"

His hands where around my neck in an instant. I didn't really comprehend what was going on. He pinned against the wall. My feet weren't even touching the ground. My father wasn't a big man standing at only 5' 8" and weighing about 200 pounds, but you didn't want to make him mad.

"Let go of me!" I stared into his eyes with more hate than a small body should be able to produce. My hate was slowly consuming me alive. It made me malicious and angry all the time. I lashed out at everyone. No one wanted to save me, then again I didn't think I could be saved. I was so tired. I just wanted to go to sleep for a very long time. I just wanted to rest my eyes for once. I hadn't gone to sleep in a long time. I never slept before I went to the hospital. I couldn't. The images imprinted in my mind flashed on my eyelids every time I closed them. I was too scared to relive all those times that I never slept. My mind was decaying.

The hands around my neck squeezed tighter bringing me back to the present. He was mad. Just absolutely insane. His eyes looked just like the eyes of all those hungry, flea-bitten coyotes. He wanted to kill me. The room was starting to get darker. My eyesight was starting to turn black around the edges. Slowly my lungs where being emptied of air. I couldn't breathe I started to panic. My mind was racing. _I have to stop him! I can't die this way. Not now. It's too soon._ Right before I completely blacked out I felt my arm come up and BAM! I was dropped to the floor with a thud. I had punched my dad so hard in his left eye that he was momentarily blind.

I gulped air down like it was water and I had been stuck in a desert. "YOU WILL NEVER HIT ME EVER AGAIN." I said with a deadly calm. He looked at me like he had just realized that I was standing there.

"You want to bet on that?"

I glared daggers at him. "You remember all those times I went to school with black eyes? You remember whipping me so much with you belt that I had cuts on my ribcage? Do you remember punching me so hard in the jaw I fell and hit my head on the corner of the stove? YOU. WILL. NEVER. LAY. A. HAND. ON. ME. AGAIN. I'll kill you before you even think about." My eyes told the truth. I would kill him if he ever beat me again.

He walked out of the room. I took that opportunity to throw the rest of my stuff in my box. I heaved it up and walked out of the house. I dumped it all in the back seat of my car and drove off. It took me about 10 minutes to get to town. I found a nice but cheap hotel owned by a classmate. I managed to get a room away from the main road so if anyone came looking they wouldn't see me.

I entered my room and threw my shit down on the floor. I was so exhausted. I flipped the TV on to Fuse (I do not claim fuse as my own. Its just my fav channel). Putting the sound down low I drifted off to sleep in what seemed like had been an eternity.

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**Please review. I can't wait to see what everyone wants to say. Thank you.**


	2. Leave Me Alone

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 2**

**Just Leave Me Alone**

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**Well I only got one review thank you YAKUNANTENSHI. I really appreciate it. To everyone else I am extremely upset. Shame on you.**

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Previously

_I entered my room and threw my shit down on the floor. I was so exhausted. I flipped the TV on to Fuse (I do not claim fuse as my own. Its just my fav channel). Putting the sound down low I drifted off to sleep in what seemed like had been an eternity. _

**S P.O.V.**

I would watch her from across the hallway. She would always look so happy, but I saw right through her. I saw that look of hurt and betrayal when she thought no one was looking. She mostly kept to herself. Majority of the time eating lunch by herself, if she even ate. Sometimes she would sit with some of her classmates, but never really joined the conversation.

I remember when everyone forgot her birthday and she cried all day long saying that a family member had died. I didn't forget. She always looked like a zombie walking mindlessly through the hallways. Always an empty look in her eyes. I remember how she used to have life in her. A fighting spirit she was. She let no one dominate her. Now she looked like she had been dominated and crushed.

I used to smell the drugs on her when she came into the classroom. She was so smart. She was a year a head of her classmates. Even high she would still ace the test. It took her 15 to 20 minutes to take a final exam. I was definitely impressed with her. She had caught my attention. I just had to wait for the right time.

Suddenly I could no longer smell drugs on her but I did smell hurt and rape. Everyone would come up to her and ask her questions. No one would leave her alone and I wanted to spirit her away. I knew she wanted to get away from all the prying eyes. I knew she wanted to die.

She would never commit suicide, but I could feel the anger and hate come off her in waves, but she always held it in. I remember seeing those bruises on her face and under her eyes. She tried to cover them with make up but they were to dark. I would listen to how everyone would joke around and say, "Did you get in a fight and get beat up?" She would just laugh and say, "Yeah, something like that."

I wanted to hold her close to me. I wanted to comfort her. I knew she needed it. I know deep inside she wanted it. Deep inside I wanted to. I would give anything just to spend one night with her. One problem…she was dating my brother.

**K P.O.V.**

Even though I fell asleep at 4 o'clock in the morning I was wide awake at 8. I looked at my surroundings as memories of my life flooded back.

_Flashback_

"_Could we have Kagome come up to the office she will be going home." The voice on the intercom said. I looked at the teacher with a dreaded look in my eyes. "She'll be right up." Well I guess she wasn't going to save me. I packed my belongs in my bag. _

_Earlier that morning I had left home and no one had known. 3 days before that I had just gotten out of the hospital for overdose and dehydration due to cocaine and bars. When I got home I crawled in my bed and slept for 3 days. I didn't even wake to use the restroom. I woke up on Wednesday morning, got ready for school like I did before the overdose incident and left before anyone was awake._

_I walked down the corridors of the school and saw my father waiting for me at the front. He had already signed me out and mentioned me to get in the truck. We drove slowly through town and he asked me how I was doing and if I was feeling well. I didn't even bother to look at him and continued staring out of the window. _

_He parked in the medical center parking lot. He reached out and grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my face to his. "Tell me who gave you the drugs!" he yanked harder when I spat in his face. "Was it Inuyasha?" This was before we had even started dating I barely knew him. "I don't know. I don't remember who gave them to me." _

"_You're lying." He slapped me. I licked my lips and tasted blood. I laughed surprising him. I truly had gone crazy. "I'm moving out and you're never going to touch me again asshole." This time it was his turn to laugh. "Oh you really think so? You're only 16 you can't do that." I pulled my hair out of his grasp and got out of the truck. "Watch me."_

_I walked in the center and was greeted by my current doctor. "Dr. Wakeshima," I stated. "Always a pleasure Kagome." My father came in. "We have an appointment," he stated rather bluntly. _

_I sat on the edge of the hospital bed while my father sat on a stool. "Mr. Higurashi, Kagome has gone through a emotional trama. You have to be gentle with her." She turned towards me and began to question me. "Kagome do you remember anything that happened?" _

"_I can't even remember what I did this morning how am I supposed to remember what happened that night?" _

"_Hmmm.. it seems that you have gained memory loss from the drug use." _

"_Well that was the point."_

"_Kagome what is it that you want to forget?"_

"_What do I want to forget? I want to forget everything. I want to forget being born into this family, into this world. I want to forget myself. I want to sleep! Can't you understand?" I pleaded. "All I want to do is fall asleep and night and feel safe and loved, but in the end I really don't know what I want."_

"_Mr. Higurashi, Kagome has depression. I will prescribe her a medication and she will take it once a day in the morning. In a month she should come back for a check up."_

_My father nodded his head and left to pay what he owed. Dr. Wakeshima turned to me and said, "Kagome I know how you feel. I advise counseling it might help."_

"_Counseling?" I was histerical. "You think anyone will believe me? Everyone thinks I'm crazy. I think I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy."_

"_Hush hush Kagome. Everything will be alright."_

_Later when I got home I took my new medication and went to my room. My father came in and told me I needed to eat. "I'm not hungry."_

"_You are supposed to eat with the medicine."_

"_Oh and now you care about me?"_

_He walked off and started to cook be dinner. It wasn't anything extravagant but it was enough. He sat down at the table with me and watched me pick at my food. I never ate food unless in came in a package or I made it my self. I didn't trust anyone. Maybe it was the drugs that made me like that, I really didn't know. _

"_Kagome..I'm sorry."_

"_For what?"_

"_For everything."_

_"Well it's a little to late now."_

"_I really am sorry."_

"_Just leave me alone."_

_He got up and left. I guess he went to see his cows since they were so much more important than me. His precious Grade A Angus cows. What an asshole. _

_I didn't even bother to finish eating and gave it to the dog hoping it was poisoned. I hated that dog. I went to my room and feel asleep. _

"_I want that little whore out of my house now!"_

"_Honey, just give her a while she is healing."_

_I woke up and heard their conversation. I hated it. He acted nice to me when she was around but as soon as she came home it was lets play beat up Kagome. He was so pussy-whipped I wanted to laugh. How embarrassing. I had no respect for him anymore. I was ashamed to call him father. _

"_No I want her out now! This is my home and I'll be damned before I let her stay another night."_

_Her house? Fuck that bitch! As I recall I was 8 when I helped build this house with my own hands. My parents where still married, but little did I know later that year they would divorce. My grandpa would die 3 days after my 9__th__ birthday and my grandma would die of a broken heart. _

_I helped build this house before that bitch ever came along. I would murder her in cold blood right now and not care. Instead I laid my head back down and shut out the arguing like I shut out __everything else._

_Flashback End_

My phone rang. It was my mother. _Ughhh.. what now._ I picked it up. "Hello."

"Kagome?"

"Yeah its me." _Who else would it be? Dumb bitch._

"Where are you? Your father called?"

"Oh did he really? Did he tell you the whole story? I bet you he didn't."

"What happened?"

"Umm…well lets see. I don't know, the person who I thought was my father has beat the crap out of my for the past 3 years and almost killed me last night!"

"I'm sorry, but he did the same thing to me."

"You're sorry! You're sorry! That's all you can say? He did the same thing to you. I am your daughter you are supposed to love me and protect me, but you didn't. You don't give a damn what happens to me! I fucking hate you don't ever fucking call me again!" I hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed. I ran my hands through my hair. _Un fucking believable._ I guess I was on my own.

I got up to take a shower and brush my teeth when I heard I knock at the door. _What the fuck! Who is it now?_ I walked over to the door and opened it. "Leave me the fuck alo….."

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**Dun dun dunnnn........ What will happen next? Stay tuned to find out.**

**And R and R before I cut your fingers of and you really cant review!  
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	3. The Difference Between Scum and Men

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 3**

**The Difference Between Scum and Men**

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I would like to thank INU9LUVR5 for the review. I really appreciate it. Maybe this story will inspire you to continue writing your one.

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_Previously_

_I got up to take a shower and brush my teeth when I heard I knock at the door. What the fuck! Who is it now? I walked over to the door and opened it. "Leave me the fuck alo….."_

**K P.O.V.**

I glared at the person standing in my door. "How in the hell did you find out where I am?" I crossed my arms.

"Awww…come on! That's no way to treat your best friend."

"Yeah yeah. Whatever Sango." I stood back so she could come in. "So who told you I was here?"

"Miroku did."

I sighed under my breath. Of course I had forgotten he owned the hotel and was Sango's boyfriend. "So what's the lecher up to?"

Sango giggle and went to open the door when she heard the knock. "Miroku!!"

He popped out of nowhere taking a handful of her ass. I rolled my eyes. "Hey Kagome! Did you miss me so much you had to come stay near me?" he said batting his eyelashes.

I pushed him down the bed and straddled his lap. "I sure did Big Daddy." WHAM! I sucker punched him right in his face. Sango and I laughed hysterically.

"That wasn't funny!" he cried out.

We just fell to the floor, we couldn't stop laughing. _Ahhhh good times…good times._ I picked myself off the floor and helped Sango. We all sat on the bed and watched a movie. I didn't really pay attention. My mind started wondering.

_Flashback_

_I had just gotten home from school. I hated school. No one gave a shit about me. I had a few friends and most had betrayed me. I was alone. No one was home when I got there so I was alone always. I reached into the medicine cabinet and popped 18 pills. I didn't know what they were or what they did, but I didn't care._

_I could feel sleep slowly claiming me. I went into my room and laid face down on my bed. It felt so comfortable. What I dreamed I didn't see. I awoke to voices. I heard my dad and his best friend, my uncle._

_"__She's been asleep for a very long time." I heard my dad's worried voice._

_"__She'll be ok. I know she doesn't sleep much."_

_I sat up in my bed, "Uncle Akira?"_

_"__Hey sleeping beauty! You know you snore?"_

_"__No I don't!" I protested._

_He chuckled. "Well me and your dad are going to the barbeque. We'll see you later."_

_"__Wait! I wanna go too." I hopped out of bed and put on my shoes and jacket._

_We loaded up into my dad's truck and left for the barbeque. When we got there it was being held at the fire department. A lot of my dad's friends were there, but I paid them no attention. I only had eyes for my uncle. Out of everyone, he was the only one who understood me and didn't judge me._

_"__Kagome, I know you've been popping pills."_

_I looked down at my feet. "I feel so miserable, and they're only pain killers. Its not like I'm taking hydrocodine." _

_"__Well for that I'm glad. I did the same thing when I was your age. I know your dad has changed, but he still loves you. When you wouldn't wake up he was really worried."_

_"__Yeah right! He beats me Akira! She tells him lies and he believes it. He doesn't even give me a chance."_

_"__I know…and I'm sorry I can't do anything. I really wish I could."_

_"__It's ok. I believe you." I gave him a hug. _

_The night air was frisk. I loved the fall, but the cool air didn't agree with me much. I shivered. "Dad, can we go home now? I'm cold."_

_He looked at me and out of no where I heard, "Go ahead, take the little bitch home."_

_I turned around. I knew who the voice belonged to, but I wanted to see the look on her face when I said, "And why don't you go return yourself to your pimp." I relished in the glory that I put that horrible look on her already hideous face._

_She didn't say anything back. She just walked off, but my dad did take me home. I took a hot shower and crawled into my bed. I could hear them bickering again. _

_"__Go wake her up right now!"_

_I heard footsteps. "Get your ass up now." My dad sounded upset._

_I threw back the covers and walked into the living room. There was a bag of pills sitting on the coffee table. I acted non-chalantly. I knew she planted them in my room and acted like she 'found' them. What a bunch of bullshit. _

_"__What are these?"_

_"__Well they look like pills to me." I crossed my arms and leaned against the wall._

_"__Don't be a smart ass."_

_"__Well I'm smarter than you so I don't see anything wrong with acting like it." I didn't care. I didn't care what he thought anymore. He never gave me a chance and he was stupid for being so gullible, so I treated him like he was incompetent. _

_He stood up abruptly and stalked over to me. He made a grab for my shirt and instead missed, slamming his fist into my jaw instead. I stumbled back a couple of steps and tripped. My head came down on the corner of our gas stove. As I laid there in a growing pool of my blood I saw his mouth screaming, but no sound came out. I couldn't hear anything. I was slipping off into unconsciousness._

_Flashback End_

"Kagome…Kagome……" I felt a shake. "KAGOME HIGURASHI!!!!! WAKE YOUR ASS UP NOW!"

I opened my eyes. "Sango if you YELL IN MY EAR ONE MORE TIME I WLL STAB YOU!!!" I said as I grabbed her ear.

"Ahhhh… I'm sorry. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you Miroku and I are leaving. We'll see you later."

"Ok, bye." I turned the TV off.

"Hey Kagome, You can stay here as long as you want. Free of charge."

"I smiled at Miroku, "Thanks."

I shut the door behind them. Sango may get on my nerves sometimes, but the truth was she was a good friend. She knew when not to ask questions. Indeed I really did enjoy her friendship.

**S P.O.V.**

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Her image always clouded my mind. As she walked by me in the hallways I could smell her intoxicating scent. I wanted to smell me in her more than anything.

I loved it when she came by the house. She would always knock even though she knew she was allowed to walk in. She would always smile at me and say, "Hi jerk." Then leave my presence to find Inuyasha. I would growl in a jealousy. I wanted her to come look for me.

I would watch them when they were together. They acted more like friends than anything. Inuyasha always tried to put the moves on her, but she would only let him hold her hand. I knew he was seeing the school slut, Kikyo, but I couldn't stand to see Kagome in tears. I knew she would cry if she found out. I just didn't want to be the one to break her heart. She had already been through enough.

I was shaken out of my thoughts when I walked past the game room and they were arguing. I stood out of eye sight, but close enough where I could see and hear. Being a demon didn't mean I could see through walls.

"I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!! First my dad almost kills me and now you're cheating on me!"

**Yes!! **_What do you mean yes?_** Yes, she found out and now we can take her. **_Hn._ I watched silently.

"Oh come on Kagome, you're over reacting."

"Over reacting? I'm over reacting?"

Inuyasha nodded his head, "Yep."

"You just called my Kikyo. How am I over reacting?"

"Feh. It was your imagination."

"Yeah I'm insane and we're over," she huffed. She stormed out of the room and bumped into me. "Ouch!" She looked up. "Oh, hi Seshoumaru."

"Hn." I just watched her curiously.

She dusted invisible dirt off her sleeves. She looked at me, "I…I don't think I'm going to be coming back."

My heart raced. I wanted to see her everyday. How could I win her over if I couldn't talk to her everyday? I began to worry, but I kept a placid mask on. "I'm sorry my idiot brother hurt you. Is there anything I can do?"

She laughed. Kami how he loved her laugh. "Maybe you can castrate him for me. It would save me the trouble of coming to see his face."

"I would die happy if I could do that," I said as I walked her to her car. "Well you know you can always come and see me." I cant believe that came out of my mouth!

She blushed, "Maybe sometime I might." She started her car and drove off as I watched her receding vehicle. I hoped she would come back to see me.

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**Chapter 3 is finally up. Wow did not expect it that fast either. MAn, this story is just flowing outta me. **

**well keep the review coming.  
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	4. Welcome to Heartbreak

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 4**

**Welcome to Heartbreak**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own, cept for my life parts.

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_Previously_

_She blushed, "Maybe sometime I might." She started her car and drove off as I watched her receding vehicle. I hoped she would come back to see me. _

**K P.O.V.**

I threw on a powder blue tank-top on and black one on over it. I dug threw my suitcase to find myself a pair of comfortable pants. I settle for some that were extremely holey. I grabbed some black flip-flops and ran out the door. I unlocked my car and got in as fast as I could, throwing the gear into drive and drove off.

I parked in Inuyasha's driveway and make my way up to the door. I knew I didn't have to knock, but I just didn't feel right to me. I put my fist up to the door to knock, but it opened instead. There stood Seshoumaru, Inuyasha's older half brother. He always seemed to know when I was there, unlike my stupid boyfriend who didn't even bother to greet me.

"Why hello Kagome, its nice to see you again."

I smiled at him, "It's nice to see you to Sesh. How are you?"

"I'm fine, well come in, come in." He moved to the side.

I walked in and gave him another smile and went to find Inuyasha. "Inuyasha!!" I said jumping behind him.

"Hey babe." He didn't even turn around to look at me. He just kept watching TV.

I plopped down on the couch next to him and reached out to hold his hand. I hadn't told him what had happened yet. I had planned to, but inside I really didn't think he cared. I turned to see what was holding his interest so much. It was the cooking channel. He always watched it and didn't even bother to write down the recipe. He just liked to look at the food. I turned to look at him when everything started going foggy.

_Flashback_

_I was crouched in a corner of my room trying to protect myself with my arms. My step-mother had told my dad another lie. He was kicking me at this point. I was seriously beginning to think he was crazy. "Stop dad!"_

"_Tell me why you did it!"_

"_Tell you what? I have no idea what you're talking about!"_

"_Don't lie to me!" he stopped kicking me. "I'm going to go get my belt." He stormed out of my room._

'_Ok its now or never' I told myself. I kept staring at my doorway. 'I can make it, I know I can.' I stood up as fast as I could and took off running. I managed to get out of the house and was running down the driveway. He came sprinting out of the house after me. I couldn't run faster. So I stopped and turned back around. I threw him off. I ran towards the woods. I was almost to the fence. He was gaining on me. I jumped over the fence and kept running. He had a bad knee so I knew it would slow him down. I was wrong. I tripped and fell, skidding my face in to the ground. He pounced on top of me and started beating the shit out of me. "STOP IT DAD!!!!" _

_Flashback end_

The fog receded and I came back to Inuyasha rubbing his nose along my neck and collarbone. "Hmmm…Inuyasha stop," I whispered.

"Why Kikyo?"

My eyes flew open. "What did you call me?"

He pulled back, "I called you Kagome."

"No you didn't."

"I know what I said."

"Who is Kikyo? Surely not that slut from school?" I looked hurt.

"We're just friends."

"No one is just friends with her."

"I…umm…I.."

"I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS!! First my dad almost kills me and now you're cheating on me!"

"Oh come on Kagome, you're over reacting."

"Over reacting? I'm over reacting?"

Inuyasha nodded his head, "Yep."

"You just called my Kikyo. How am I over reacting?"

"Feh. It was your imagination."

"Yeah I'm insane and we're over," I huffed. I pushed myself off the couch and stormed out of the room and bumped into something soft, but at the same time hard. "Ouch!" I looked up. "Oh, hi Seshoumaru."

"Hn." He just watched me with a curious expression.

I dusted invisible dirt off my sleeves. I looked up at him, kami he was tall, "I…I don't think I'm going to be coming back."

He just kept his placid mask on. "I'm sorry my idiot brother hurt you. Is there anything I can do?"

I laughed._ It's a little to late now, but thanks for the offer anyways._ "Maybe you can castrate him for me. It would save me the trouble of coming to see his face."

"I would die happy if I could do that," He said as he walked me to my car. "Well you know you can always come and see me."

I was really shocked that he said that. Yeah sure I was the only one he smiled at or showed some emotion to, but I wasn't expecting that. I blushed, "Maybe sometime I might." I started my car and drove off as I watched his receding form in my rear view mirror. _ I just might go back to see him._

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**Yeah, yeah i know this is short. but since my town was hit with the swine flu i have to go to wal mart and fight for mask. well i might update later, if not i will definitly tomorrow**  
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	5. Reality and Dreams

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 5**

**Reality and Dreams**

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**I apologize again for the last chapter, i know it was short, but now we have this chapter up! YAY ME! Enjoy

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**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS, JUST THE PLOT.

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_Previously_

_I was really shocked that he said that. Yeah sure I was the only one he smiled at or showed some emotion to, but I wasn't expecting that. I blushed, "Maybe sometime I might." I started my car and drove off as I watched his receding form in my rear view mirror. I just might go back to see him._

_**S P.O.V.**_

"_Hmmmmm…" she moaned underneath my kisses. I rubbed my nose along her jaw line earning more moans from her. She smelled so good, like lilies. I skimmed the tips of my fingers along her ribcage, causing her to giggle. Her eyes widened with realization that I found out she was ticklish._

_I grabbed her sides and tickled her so much she couldn't breathe. "Stop Sesh….hahahah…..shou…hahaha…ru…stopp...." When her face started to turn blue I stopped. I became worried; maybe I had gone too far. She looked up at my face, "Now it's your turn." She started pulling my hair, because she knew I wasn't ticklish. Little did she know though, that it actually felt good. It was kind of kinky._

_I let her amuse herself for a while before I grabbed her ankles and threw her legs onto my shoulders. She immediately stopped pulling my hair and blushed. I won. I leaned in and captured her mouth in mine. She tasted so sweet, like honeysuckles. I unbuttoned her pants with expertise, and slipped it off her legs in a swift fluid motion. I sucked in my breath of her in nothing but a shirt and panties. She looked beautiful no matter what she was wearing._

_I ran my hands down the length of her legs and continued to pull her shirt off. I tossed it carelessly somewhere behind me. I leaned in to kiss her once more. I breathed her scent in. I leaned back to sit on my legs pulling her up to sit in my lap. I unhooked her bra as I continued to assault her neck with kisses and nibbles. "Ohhhhmmmmm…." She heavily huffed out. I laid her back on her back and worked my hands to her hips. I tugged at her underwear, coming off they joined her shirt and pants on the floor._

_She gasped, "Seshoumaru!" I looked up, "Hmm…" When she didn't say anything I turned my attention back to kissing my way up her legs. I slowly pried her legs open with my hands, still kissing her to tell her it was ok. When she finally complied, I dipped my head down and kissed her. She squeezed her legs back together around my head embarrassed. I pulled her legs apart with my hands again, "Its ok. I think you're beautiful." I licked her this time, she arched up into my mouth. I continued my assault on her sensitive, tasty area. _

"_Hmmmmm….Seshoumaru," she purred. I licked her harder. "Seshoumaru…." I smirked. "SESHOUMARU!!"_

Well there went my dream. "What do you want?" I said with irritation coating my voice.

"Son, were you having wet dreams? I can smell you arousal on the other side of the house," my father, Inutouga looked his son up and down.

"So what if I was. It's none of your business."

"First you will not speak to you father that way, second I would like to meet this girl that has captured your interest."

"You already have."

Inutouga's eyes widened at this comment. "Kagome?"

"Yes the very one."

"I thought she and Inuyasha were together. You can not have interest in you brother's girlfriend."

"They broke up yesterday. He was cheating on her with a whore."

He pursed his lips, "I see. I will have to apologize to her myself. I love Inuyasha, but he is an idiot. She would make the perfect mate."

"Yes father I agree. She is indeed perfect and that other son of yours is an idiot." I turned to face to wall hinting to my father I didn't want to speak any longer.

"Well then, goodbye to you to then." He stalked out grumpily and slammed the door shut.

"Finally the old bat is gone." I let my mind wonder back to Kagome. "I will have you little miko."

**K P.O.V.**

When I woke up I was back at the hotel. I had the weirdest dream. I had a wet dream about Seshoumaru. I was confused. Did my body want him, or did I want him. Maybe I was just still upset that Inuyasha had cheated on me. _Bastard_. I should go chop off his balls. I would definitely be happy then.

I heard a knock at my door. I rolled my eyes, "Who is it now?" It seemed people didn't want to leave me alone. They would definitely leave me alone if I through myself off a cliff. I smiled. _I would have peace then. _ I opened the door, "Seshoumaru?"

He gave me his breath taking smile, "May I come in?"

I moved slightly to the side and closed the door after him. "How did you find out I was here?"

"Miroku told me."

I was going to kill Miroku. "He did, did he?" I pounded my fist into my hand.

"Do you not want me in your company?" He looked hurt.

I knew he was faking it, but I couldn't help but fall into his trap. "No, it's not that. It's just if he told you, who else is he going to tell. I don't want my dad to find out where I am." I looked at the floor, pretending I found something interesting.

"I'm sorry you dad hurt you. I wish I could have protected you." He looked serious. "If you allow me, I would protect you now."

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"How did you know my dad abused me?"

"I could smell you. I could see the sadness in your eyes when no one was looking. I saw your bruises, but it wasn't my place." I held his eyes in a soul searching look. He continued, "It was my idiot brothers, and now that he's out of the picture, I would like to take his place."

"I don't know, it's so soon."

"I understand, but I want you to know you deserve better than him. I've watched you from the side lines for to long. I want to be there for you. I want you to want me."

_If you only knew._ "I…I… I don't know what to say."

"Say yes. I would do anything."

I wanted to yell it to the world and jump in his arms, but I couldn't. "I don't think we should move so fast. Maybe hang out a little and go on some dates." I rubbed the back of my head.

He sat down on the bed and pulled me to sit next to him. "That's a start. Let's hang out right now."

I couldn't protest. I admit it was nice to have some one who cared. My heart had beated so fast when he told me he like me, that he had been liking me. I really wanted to kiss him like no tomorrow, but I knew it was still too soon.

_Flashback_

_I was so fucked up. I had done a whole 40 of cocaine by myself and had taken 8 triple stacker bars. I couldn't even think straight. I kept coming in and out of conciousness. I was at a party. Some party, the whole town was there. People I knew, and people I didn't know. I barely remember._

_I was walking along the dirt road with a couple of school friends when everything went black. I heard someone call my name and catch me. I opened my eyes, I was 2 inches above the ground. They had caught me before I had fallen 5 feet into a ditch. I sat down on the ground to get some control. I stood back up and took off again. They tried to stop me, but I just kept mumbling about having to do something and ran off. _

_Another guy I went to school with saw me and helped me to a car. He told me that I needed to chill out for a while. So I sat down in the back of the car and just hung out with him. I had lost conciousness again, and when I came back too he was trying to kiss me. I pushed him away and lost conciousness again. _

_I woke up laying on a bed with that same guy beside me trying to unbutton my pants. I pushed him off and lost conciousness once again. When I woke up my pants were around my ankles and I was lying on the bed still. I pulled them back on and walked back in the living room. "Take me back to the party." I was surprised when they actually complied._

_I sat in my car for the longest time. I didn't know what had happened, but I knew I was in pain. I was bleeding a little and it didn't seem to want to stop. I guess I had fallen asleep again, because when I woke up daylight was pouring down through my window. I started my car and went to the clinic. I was still hurting. _

"_I need to see Dr. Wakeshima now please."_

"_Just a moment."_

"_No I need to see her now! Its an emergency."_

_She just gave me an annoyed look. "You have to wait your turn."_

_I banged my fist down on the counter. "No you don't understand. I. NEED. TO. SEE. HER. NOW."_

"_What seems to be the problem?" came out of her office. _

_I clutched my uterus and looked at her with a pleading expression. "Please I need you to look at me."_

_After the exame Dr. Wakeshime asked me what happened. But the truth was I really didn't know. "I don't know."_

"_Your hymen is broken. Did you give consent?"_

"_I don't remember. I really don't remember anything, just bits and pieces."_

"_Were you on anything?"_

_I looked down ashamed. I really like her and didn't want her to think any less of me. "I..I… was high on cocaine and I also took bars."_

_She hugged me. "Oh honey, you were raped. If you were to messed up to remember then it was rape. I'm sorry."_

_I looked at the wall, still in her embrace. "I…what am I going to do?" I pleaded._

_She pulled back to look me in the eyes, "Press charges."_

_Flashback End._

I kept my eyes closed. I remember now. They got away. The police believed them instead of me. Even when I had evidence. I sighed. I opened my eyes and almost screamed. There in front of me was Seshoumaru. Our noses were touching.

"What are you thinking about?" he said not blinking.

I leaned forward closing the last few inches between our lips and kissing him. Not a make out session, but just a truth searching kiss. I pulled away and blinked. "I…I….I'm so..rry Sessh..oumaru, please forgive me."

"Kagome…" he cupped my cheek with his hand forcing me to look up. "I've fallen in love with you."

My eyes about popped out of my head. I opened my mouth to say something, but instead I was met with his slim index finger shushing me. "You don't have to say anything at all."

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**aHHHH...sweet sweet romance. hopefully i will post the next chapter tomorrow. **


	6. And So The Whole Truth Is Not Told

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 6**

**And So The Whole Truth Is Not Told**

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**Another chapter. another day. I had some trouble with this chapter, maybe because i was watching Pride and Prejudice. I think thats how you spell. it. oh well here you go**

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Disclaimer: I DONT OWN THE CHARACTERS.

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_Previously_

_My eyes about popped out of my head. I opened my mouth to say something, but instead I was met with his slim index finger shushing me. "You don't have to say anything at all."_

**S P.O.V.**

I pulled her to my chest, hugging her tightly. I never wanted to let her go. She wrapped her hands around my stomach. I heard her give a content sigh. She had accepted me, but I would take it slow.

A deep rumbling emitted from my chest lulling her to sleep. I set her in my lap and moved farther back onto the bed. I laid her sleeping form next to my body on the bed. She turned her back to me and wormed her backside closer to my chest. I wrapped my arms around her encasing her cocoon like. I fell into a blissful sleep next to my love. I was truly content.

**K P.O.V.**

I stretched and felt my hand land on something hard. I realized I was snuggled against something extremely warm. I started to turn my body when I heard a growl. I stopped, "Sesshoumaru?" He pulled my closer to him and rubbed his nose behind my ear. I shivered with pleasure. It felt so good. I giggled, "Hmmm…Sesshoumaru…that tickles."

He paused like he had remembered something. He turned me to face him. I couldn't help but get lost in his golden amber eyes. They were so beautiful. His hands lay resting on my waist. "Forget what I said earlier." I looked at him confused. "I'm not falling in love with you, I do love you."

I took a deep breath to clear my head. I wasn't sure if I was hearing what he said right. "You love me?" I inquired tilting my head somewhat on the pillow.

He inched his face closer to mine. We were touching noses. "Hn." He kissed me. Not a soul searching kiss, but a simple yes kiss. He pulled back. "Does that run out any doubt you have floating around in that pretty little head of yours?"

I flashed him a smile and kissed him once more. He responded after he got over his shock. He wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me hard against him. The other arm snaked its way up my back and its hand into my hair.

BAM!! The door flew across the room. I pulled back from Sesshoumaru. My eyes met with the last person I wanted to see. Before I could open my mouth Sesshoumaru already had Inuyasha by his neck. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I should be the one asking you that dear brother." He said with malice in his eyes. "I came to apologize for what I did, but it seems that I am in no wrong." He looked my in my eyes.

"You are in every wrong brother. You are the one who was doing Kagome wrong. You were the one who got the whore pregnant."

Whatever trance I was in knocked out of what I heard that. "PREGNANT!!!" I roared. When they both went to speak I held up my hand. "Pregnant?" I whispered, barely audioble. "You got her pregnant, and then accuse me of cheating after we broke up." I shook my head. "I trusted you not to hurt me. I trusted you." I gave Inuyasha a pleading look. I then turned to Sesshoumaru, "And you!" I pointed at him. "You come barging in here declaring your love for me and didn't even bother to stop this from happening." I wanted to rip his head off. "You tell me you want to protect me and yet you couldn't."

"Kagome," he said in a warning tone, "let me explain."

"NO! I want both of you out now! Get out! Get out! GET OUT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. The both turned to leave. I sat back down on the bed. I felt a sering pain in my chest. I didn't know what it was, but oh Kami it hurt so much. I clutched my chest.

When I didn't hear the door close I looked up to see Sesshoumaru turn back to glance at me. There was such a sad look in his eyes. I wanted to say I was sorry, but no words would come to my mouth. I looked back at the floor and I imagined it was coming closer.

"Kagome!"

I heard my name being called as I fell through a thick fog.

"KAGOME!"

_I hit a hard surface and everything went black. I no longer heard my name. I no longer saw anything. Everything was dark. There was no light at the end of a tunnel. I didn't even know where I was, much less if I was in a tunnel. "Hello…" I called out. No answer. I believe I was alone, utterly alone._

_"Kagome?"_

_I heard a voice behind me. I turned to look. "Sesshoumaru?"_

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_**sO i know it wasnt that great, but it did have a twist to it. umm i need ideas for the next chapter. review and let me know what you guys want to happen and i will try my best.. until next time**


	7. Heart Attack Is Where The Heart Is

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 7**

**Heart Attack Is Where The Heart Is**

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so i only got like one review. i am really upset. so i dont know if i wanna write another chappy for a while. hmmm.. its yall decission. all you have to to do is review.

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Disclaimer: I asked Santa Claus if i could have the Inuyasha rights for christmas, but it didnt happen. *sighs* i guess i wasnt good enough last year.

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_Previously_

_I hit a hard surface and everything went black. I no longer heard my name. I no longer saw anything. Everything was dark. There was no light at the end of a tunnel. I didn't even know where I was, much less if I was in a tunnel. "Hello…" I called out. No answer. I believe I was alone, utterly alone. _

"_Kagome?" _

_I heard a voice behind me. I turned to look. "Sesshoumaru?"_

**S P.O.V**

As I turned I saw her clutching her chest. It seemed like everything was in slow motion. I ran to her as fast as I could and managed to catch her before she hit the floor. Her eyes were hazy, "Kagome!" She closed them, "KAGOME!!"

I shook her, but she wouldn't wake up. I slid one of my arms underneath her legs while the other supported her back. I rushed her to my car and laid her gently in the passenger seat. "Meet me at the hospital," I growled at Inuyasha. He just stood there with a blank face. I growled once more and speed off.

"I need medical attention now!" I bellowed as I swung the doors open to the emergency room. The nurses immediately came to me and took away Kagome. I was left to wait.

"Mr. Tashio."

I looked up out of my trance, "Yes, that's me."

"I would like to speak to you privately."

I got up and followed the doctor into a secluded room. "Is she going to be alright?"

"I'm Dr. Wakeshima," she reached out her hand to shake mine. When I didn't offer mine she let hers drop back to her side. "I've been Kagome's doctor for a very long time. I know she has been through a very rough time." She paused and looked at me expectantly. I didn't say anything. "Kagome has suffered a mild heart attack." Some how I really wasn't that surprised. "Due to all the stress in her life, her heart has become weak."

"Is she going to be ok?"

"She'll be fine; she just has to take the medicine I am prescribing to her."

"I'll go pick it up from the pharmacy later."

"Mr. Tashio, do you know if Kagome is still currently living with her parents?"

"So you know how she has been treated?"

She looked down at the floor and sighed, "I don't know much, except for the fact she needs someone to love her. She really needs a friend."

"Hn." I didn't really know what to say. "She is currently living in a hotel room. I have reason to believe she hasn't been there for long."

"Well at least she is away from her parents, but she still needs someone." She sighed again, "I really don't think she should be alone."

"I was planned to ask her to move into my home. I have plenty of rooms, and I think it would be peaceful for her."

"Yes, she does need a peaceful environment. She needs a well rested vacation."

"I will see to it she does get it." I heard a shuffling behind the curtain.

"Sesshoumaru is that you?" I heard a cracked voice ask.

I pulled back the curtain to reveal Kagome. I rushed to her side. "Kagome are you feeling ok?" I reached for her hand.

She didn't pull back, "Yeah I'm ok, and I just had a little chest pain." She gave me a sheepish smile.

"Kagome! A little chest pain? It was a heart attack, you couldn't have died." I whispered that last part.

She reached her hand up to touch my face. "Oh Sesshoumaru, if only it were that easy for me to die."

"Don't say that."

"Well I'll give you two some time alone." I had totally forgotten that Dr. Wakeshima was still in the room. I heard the door click shut. We were alone.

"Kagome…I was so scared."

She gave me a lopped sided smile. "Sesshoumaru…if you only could understand."

"I know I'm being selfish, but Kagome I never want you to leave my side."

She leaned forward and gave me a peck on the lips. "If only you had told me that long ago, you could have saved me." Her eyes looked so sad.

I couldn't say anything back so I just showed her how I felt in the best way I could. I pulled her into my embrace and held her closely. "Kagome, you're all I've ever wanted, and all I've ever needed."

**K P.O.V.**

On the car ride home it was silent. I was still hearing those lovely words Sesshoumaru had said to me. _If only he could have saved me back then_. I really wanted to believe him; little did I know that my heart already did.

"Kagome, are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah… I'm just a little sleepy. Where are we going?"

"We're going home."

"Whose home?"

"Our home, you're going to be living with from now one."

"What? What about all my stuff?"

"I already have it taken care of." He never took his eyes off the road.

I sighed, "I guess I really don't have a choice."

"Nope."

I would just have to grin and bare it. "Fine."

We pulled in the driveway and Sesshoumaru had my door open before I could even unbuckle myself. He didn't even wait for me to step out of the car. He just whisked me up into his arms, not that I didn't like it, and carried me into the house.

"Kagome! How are you feeling?"

I looked up to meet eyes with Mr. Inutouga. "Oh, hey Mr. Tashio. I'm doing ok."

"Oh Kagome, call me Inutouga, I insist."

"Umm…Ok." I looked down at the floor blushing.

"Son, take her up to her room." He turned to me, "I hope you will find it to your liking."

"Mr. Tash…Inutouga…I don't want to impose on you."

"Nonsense my dear, you are part of the family." He gave me a big grin and rushed off down the hallway.

"Umm..well that was interesting," I said as I watched him leave.

I looked up at Sesshoumaru to see him staring back into my eyes. "What is there something on my fa…" I never got to finish. He pushed his lips softly against mine like I was going to break at any second. He then pulled back and looked straight ahead as he continued to carry me up the stairs to my 'room'.

The door was already open for us when we reached the entrance. I looked around at the doors before we entered, noticing that his room was right next to mine. _Oh dear._ He set me down on the bed and gently tugged my shoes off for me. "I can do that on my own." He growled at me. _ Did he just growl at me?_ I reached for my other shoe and he growled again. _Yep, he growled at me._ I lay back down and he pulled the covers over me and tucked my in. He leaned down and kissed my on my forehead.

"Rest well, Kagome, you will need it," he said with a glint in his eyes.

This was definitely going to be interesting from here on out. I closed my eyes and tried to put my mind at ease. This was not going to be easy.

**I P.O.V.**

I reached the hospital after standing in the hotel parking lot for what seemed like hours. "Could you tell me what room Kagome Higurashi is in?"

The lady at the counter didn't even look up at me. "She left about 30 minutes ago," she said smacking her gum.

I turned and looked at the clock. I was such an idiot. I did actually stand in the parking lot for hours. _Great Fluffy is never going to let me live this down._

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_**I better see some reviews!!!!!! or i will be extrememly upset!!**


	8. Nothing and Emptiness is my Heartbreak

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 8**

**Nothing and Emptiness is my Heartbreak**

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Disclaimer: I dont own. how lame

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I had a writers block sorry and i didnt really get that many reviews. i need help for the next chapter seriously. plz help more ideas!!!

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_Previously_

_The lady at the counter didn't even look up at me. "She left about 30 minutes ago," she said smacking her gum. _

_I turned and looked at the clock. I was such an idiot. I did actually stand in the parking lot for hours. Great Fluffy is never going to let me live this down._

**K P.O.V**

_I was breathing heavily. Shaking my head, "NO! NO! NO! NO! I refuse!" I pressed my nails deep in to my palms, "I will never submit to you." I dared a glance at him. There he stood in all his glory. Silver white hair hanging down loosely around his shoulders. His chin held up proudly and arrogantly. Golden eyes glared into mine. _

"_Kagome, there is no point in defying me. You. Will. Submit." He said coolly. He stepped towards me. "I will have you, even if you deny me." Another step. "You will scream my name to Hades." He gave a smirk at my gasp. He paused as if to think, and then stepped forward again. His chest was right in front of my face. He moved his hands through the air next to me. Clamping down on my shoulders he pulled me to him. He leaned down and hissed in my ear. "This Sesshoumaru will take you this very night to the moon and beyond."_

_I tried to step back, but he wouldn't let me. "Sessh.. Sesshoumaru, you're scaring me, please stop." I looked up into his eyes. "Please let me go, I have to shower." _

_His expression changed into one of confusion. "You have to shower?"_

"_Hmmm…What?"_

I woke to something breathing heavily in my ear. "You have to shower?"

"Hmmm…What?"

"You said you have to shower."

I sleepily opened my eyes and turned to face the familiar voice. When I saw who it was I pushed him in the chest only to find my self on the floor with a thud. He hadn't budged and instead I had pushed my self off the bed. "Hey! That's no fair." He didn't say anything; his eyes stared intently on an area below my face. I followed his gaze down. I was naked. I opened mouth to scream at him, only to find him behind me with a hand clamped on my mouth.

"Shhh…You'll awake everyone up." He slowly took his hand off my mouth and let it fall to my lap. I felt his hand brush my chest and I shivered. It felt good. He intertwined his hand with the sheet and pulled it up around me and covered my nakedness. Goosebumps rose all over my skin. The hair on the back of my neck prickled. The air around became warm. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me on to his lap. He leaned forward and nuzzled me behind my ear with his nose. "Hmm…you smell tasty." He nipped me. I turned bright red and my body shivered. He pulled me closer and started to trail kisses down my neck and on to my shoulders. I was frozen. I didn't know if I should push him away or just let him continue. I really wanted him to continue. I hadn't felt this way since my first love, Hojo. Sure we had parted ways after 3 years, but I hadn't felt my heart jump at the touch of lips since. That is until now.

"Do you want me to stop?" he whispered in my ear.

I shivered, "N..n..no." I couldn't turn to look at him. He ran his hands up and down my ribcage. It felt good. His fingers were like feathers caressing my skin. He reached around me and pulled me closer to him. I could feel his lips leaving scorching kisses along my spine. "Hmmm…Sesshoumaru."

"Do you like that?" His hands found their way under the sheet wrapped around my body.

"Yes. I like it very much." I twisted my torso so I could face him. I turned to face deep golden eyes searching for my very soul. He leaned down and I lifted my chin a little meeting him halfway. This kiss was like none other I had ever had. It was demanding, searching, caring, worried, but most of all it was what I wanted. I wanted the need I felt coming from him. I needed him to need me.

**Normal P.O.V**

Sesshoumaru pulled back from the kiss panting. He had never met so much passion. He wanted Kagome so much. He had never been attracted to someone as much as he was drawn to her. He leaned forward and kissed her once more. He slid he hands under her and easily picked her up and laid her on the bed. He thought she was beautiful with the sheet tangled around her body.

Kagome looked up at him. Her eyes imprinting his image in her mind forever. She smiled at him and he let out a low growl. She moved away from him slightly. Sesshoumaru's eyes followed her every movement. He ran his hands up her thighs. Feeling her shiver he smiles and starts to unravel the sheet. Kagome was completely naked underneath him. His boxers had somehow become unbuttoned among the tussle and something was poking out. Kagome reached to feel it. Sesshoumaru sucked in his breath slightly and quickly parted her legs. He was about to slide himself in when the door flew open.

"GOOD MORNING KAGOME!!!! Breakfast is re…..oh." Inutouga stopped when he saw what was going on. "Excuse me," he turned his back, "breakfast is ready if you would like to come down and eat." With that he left.

Kagome turned bright red and covered herself once more. Sesshoumaru tried to continue what they were doing before being rudely interrupted, but it didn't work. "I can't believe your father just walked in on us. I'm so embarrassed." Kagome said as she got off the bed and started to dress herself.

"It doesn't matter."

She turned around, "Oh, so he's seen you before with someone else? Well let me tell you something Mr. Big shot, I'm not one of your little whores." She quickly went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

"That's not what I meant," he put his hand on the door and sighed.

"Just leave alone to shower please." Kagome started the shower and hopped in. She never heard him reply.

**K P.O.V.**

I closed my eyes and let the warm water soak my skin.

_We were walking threw a cafeteria. The lights above were so white. I looked over to see my mom and dad walking with me. It was really quiet. We saw the cafeteria ladies in a group in front of us talking. When we reaching them they started to give us a tour. At the end of the tour they showed us a pin full of hyenas. I asked why they were there and they told me they were there because they were people and they were going to turn us into hyenas too. _

_Then we started to run. These mechanical hands popped out of the floor and tried to grab us. I was running behind my parents when a hand popped out of the floor in front of me. I dodged it in time and continued to run but then I was surrounded. They caught me._

_I screamed and screamed as I watched my parents continue to run. They didn't even look back once. They didn't even try to save me. I was sitting in the chair that would change me now. I looked at the cafeteria ladies and pleaded with them. "No one wants you Kagome. It's the best." I cried at their words. _

I had tears pouring out of my eyes when I opened them. I hated that dream. I had it every night for 3 years straight. I was so glad I didn't have it anymore. I was so screwed up in the head after that dream. I was scared to be left alone. _Ha. Now look at me. What the fuck am I doing now. I am utterly alone._ I laughed at myself. How pathetic I had become. I sat down on the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees. I had become nothing. I kept laughing at myself. I was insane. I was pathetic. What had I become?


	9. Dreams Do Come True, Or Not

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 9**

**Dreams Do Come True, Or Not**

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**Disclaimer: I dont not own characters**

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**Sorry it took me so long, I was busy trying to get all my college crap together.

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_Previously_

_I had tears pouring out of my eyes when I opened them. I hated that dream. I had it every night for 3 years straight. I was so glad I didn't have it anymore. I was so screwed up in the head after that dream. I was scared to be left alone. Ha. Now look at me. What the fuck am I doing now? I am utterly alone. I laughed at myself. How pathetic I had become. I sat down on the floor and wrapped my arms around my knees. I had become nothing. I kept laughing at myself. I was insane. I was pathetic. What had I become?_

**S.P.O.V.**

I still stood at the door waiting. I could here her crying. _Did I make her cry?_ I wanted to hold her close and comfort her. I couldn't get her out of my mind. She had crawled beneath my skin and was in every fiber of my being. I believed I loved her.

"Kagome?" I knocked on the door. No reply. I knocked harder, but still no reply. I became frantic. I jiggled the handle, it was locked. _Of course it's locked; she doesn't want to see you._ "KAGOME!" still nothing. I kicked the door in and there lying on the floor was Kagome.

**Normal P.O.V.**

The door flew open with a bang against the wall. Kagome laid on the floor the cuts on her wrists bleeding profusely. She had taken her razor apart. Sesshoumaru ran to her and tried to stop the bleeding, but it wouldn't stop. He wrapped a towel around her body and ripped another towel to shreds and wrapped it around her wrists.

"FATHER!!!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. Inutouga was there in a flash looking down at the scene before him in horror.

"What happened?"

"We don't have time for this! The bleeding won't stop!" Sesshoumaru stilled yelled at his father.

"The ambulance won't get here in time," Inutouga stated.

Sesshoumaru growled, "I'll take her myself." He began to lift her.

"You can always seal her wounds with your saliva and mate her." He suggested. Inutouga knew she could lose her life if she wasn't helped soon, but he wanted granpups badly and he wasn't about to let the opportunity surpass him.

Sesshoumaru growled low in warning, "Leave us!"

Inutouga left the room with a chuckle; he knew his son would fall for his antics. "Silly pup."

Sesshoumaru watched as his father left the room, he was not happy, but he didn't really have a choice. He picked her relaxed body up and carried her to the bed. He slowly and carefully took the makeshift bandages of her delicate arms. The bleeding had slowed, but not enough. He flicked his tongue up the cut, the blood immediately stopped flowing. He did the same with the other. He shook her slightly to wake her, "Kagome?" She stirred somewhat and then opened her eyes.

"Sesshoumaru?"

He smiled and then quickly frowned, "Did you want to leave me?"

"I…I…you have to understand."

When she went to open her mouth again he cut her off. "I don't want you to go…I want you to stay here forever with me," he whispered.

Kagome didn't know what to say. For as long as she could remember no one had told her that they wanted her to be around, that she was wanted. She gulped. Then she noticed her wrists started to develop a burning feeling. She sucked in her breath.

Sesshoumaru looked worried. "I had to do something to keep you alive." He looked down guiltily. "I wanted to ask your permission first, but it was the only thing I could do to save you." Kagome didn't say anything. "I licked your wounds to seal them, but I'm afraid that if we don't mate, my saliva will counteract and deteriorate your body like acid would."

Kagome was worried. She wasn't for sure if she wanted to be with someone forever. Her heart did throb every time he was away and beat faster when he was near. _I think I might love him…_ She brought her hand up to cup his cheek. She leaned forward and planted a gently peck on his lips. "It's ok. I'm sure we'll be like best friends, and if doesn't work out no hard feelings right?"

"I would stay with you forever. There is no going back, I love you Kagome."

Kagome didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything at all. She sat up and let her hands wander. She first felt up and down his arms. They were muscular, but not bulky, just perfect. She looked up and admired his facial features. He had a perfect straight nose, perfectly sized as well. The most beautiful golden eyes. She looked down at his lips and automatically licked hers. She looked back at his eyes and then lips again. He leaned forward, moving to close the distant between her lips and his.

Her hands found their way around his neck and grasp some of his long beautiful hair. Kagome made delightful little sounds when Sesshoumaru licked and nipped his way from her earlobe down to her collarbone.

"This is wear I will mark you," he said with wonton need. He had a lustful look in his eyes and Kagome realized that it had always been there. He had always wanted her. Kagome let her head roll back and submitted to him. He nipped harder and slowly loosened her towel.

He had already kicked off his boxers when he finally got the towel loose enough for it to fall of if she made another move. He pulled back from their passionate kiss. Her eyes had a hazy look in them. He chuckled. When Kagome had realized that he had stopped she moved forward to protest and her towel slipped from her body. Sesshoumaru diverted his gaze to take in her body and all its flaws.

Kagome had beautiful smooth skin, but she had faint straight scars running across her lower stomach and upper thighs. He frowned upon seeing this and ducked down to kiss them. Kagome was surprised by this and started to squirm. He held her in place with his hands and continued.

She was embarrassed. She hadn't wanted him to see the self-mutilation, but yet he had. Apparently he wanted to see everything there was of her. The kisses ignited a fire along her skin and down into her core. She ran her hands through his hair and pulled him back to kiss her.

Sesshoumaru complied with no thought about it. He couldn't get enough of her. After leaving her dazed again, he worked his way back down trailing kisses down her ribcage.

The butterfly kisses made her shiver with excitement. Before she even noticed he had worked her thighs apart and was about to savor her.

He licked her slow and sensually. Her hips rose somewhat and she let out a small moan. He licked harder and faster this time watching her reaction. She lifted her hips higher and let another moan. He smiled inwardly to himself. He continued to lick her until she started to buck against his mouth and then with demonic speed he positioned himself at her entrance and rubbed her clit with his tip.

She came moaning his name. He slid his shaft against her not penetrating, just covering himself with her juices. He made sure he was thoroughly coated and then shoved himself into her petite form. He almost exploded then and there and she screamed his name out. He slowly pumped out and then in and then out and in again, with each stroke gaining speed.

Sesshoumaru himself moaned out loud surprising them both, but he felt so good and he wanted her to know it. He pumped harder and faster, causing his balls to smack against her ass cheeks. Just as she came again he slid out and flipped her onto her knees, and shoved back in like it never happened.

He heard Kagome calling his name over and over again. "SESSHOUMARU!!"

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes to find he had fallen asleep waiting for her to get out of the shower. She was standing over him glaring. "Pervert!" with that she walked off.

He looked down to see his boxers had a tent. He rolled his eyes and smacked himself in the head. _Why did she have to wake me up?_


	10. In Which Things Will Start To Get Int

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 10**

**In Which Things Will Start To Get Interesting

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**Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN CHARACTERS, JUST STORY**

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Sorry guys for the long wait, and its not even that long, i know i know. sorry sorry sorry. but im in college right now, and its so hectic, my midterms are coming up. and etc blah blah blah. but its not like you guys exactly left me reviews to help me with my writers block.

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_Previously_

_He heard Kagome calling his name over and over again. "SESSHOUMARU!!"_

_Sesshoumaru opened his eyes to find he had fallen asleep waiting for her to get out of the shower. She was standing over him glaring. "Pervert!" with that she walked off._

_He looked down to see his boxers had a tent. He rolled his eyes and smacked himself in the head. Why did she have to wake me up?_

**Normal P.O.V.**

Kagome walked to her suitcase rummaging around trying to find her underwear. Mean while, on the other side of the room Sesshoumaru was watching her petite form crouched with feet slightly apart. He stealthily made his way behind her and, "Don't even think about it mister." Kagome turned to look at his surprised face over her shoulder. She inwardly smirked.

Sesshoumaru growled low and menacingly at her. He lurched forward as she turned her attention back to her clothes. She let out a little scream as she was thrown on the bed. As she bounced Sesshoumaru jumped on top of her. He pinned her arms and legs down with his body. As he looked down at his prey he smiled, she had yet to realize her towel had come off among the tussle. He raked his claws up and down her body taking joy in her slight shivers.

As Kagome realized she felt colder that usual she looked down at her body. She wanted to scream, but decided to play along; after all it did feel good. He kept running his claws up and down her body and she managed to squirm her arms out from under his legs. She ran her hands up the length of his arms. He paused slightly surprised. Kagome smiled, she was going to get what she wanted. She ran her fingertips lightly down his chest leaving trails of fire upon his skin. She could see the goose bumps rising.

Sesshoumaru was definitely surprised about what was going on but he didn't stop it. No, he wanted it to happen. He leaned further back almost sitting on his heels. He started massaging her legs and would brush slightly against his favorite area with his erection. She blushed the most adorable blush and pushed slightly against him. She was driving him insane and she knew it.

As she ran her hands lightly down his ribcage he twitched. She knew she had him now. Sesshoumaru was unsuspectingly still massaging her everywhere earning little gasps and moans from her. Then Kagome latched her fingers into his sides and started tickling him furiously. He fell abruptly to the side of her and couldn't stop laughing. Kagome somehow managed to switch their positions and she was now on top. She quickly grabbed the rope hiding under her pillow with one hand and started tying his hands together.

She suddenly got off of him and left him confused. He went to get off the bed, but instead found himself bound. He growled out his anger at her snarling and baring his teeth. "Let me go at once!"

"Hmmmm….nope," with that she threw some shorts and an oversized shirt on and walked out the door.

"When I get out of this you will be severely punished Kagome!!!" He yelled at her as she skipped down the stairs with a big grin on her face. He laid his head back down and sighed. _ How did I ever get into this?_

**~~~~downstairs~~~~~~**

Kagome came to the bottom of the stairs with a large smile on her face. "What are you so smug about?" She turned to see Inuyasha leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed. She didn't say anything. She walked straight to him and leaned against him pressing her hands lightly on his chest. "I tied him up," she whispered in his ear making him shiver, and then pushed him away hard making him fall to the ground. Kagome giggled and ran into the dining room to eat breakfast safely under the protection of Inutouga.

Kagome ran into something hard. "Oomph..." She rubbed her head and looked up. "Dad…."


	11. When It All Comes Back Again

**I Can't Fall Asleep When I Panic**

**Chapter 11**

**When It All Comes Back Again**

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_Previously_

_Kagome came to the bottom of the stairs with a large smile on her face. "What are you so smug about?" She turned to see Inuyasha leaned up against the wall with his arms crossed. She didn't say anything. She walked straight to him and leaned against him pressing her hands lightly on his chest. "I tied him up," she whispered in his ear making him shiver, and then pushed him away hard making him fall to the ground. Kagome giggled and ran into the dining room to eat breakfast safely under the protection of Inutouga. _

_Kagome ran into something hard. "Oomph..." She rubbed her head and looked up. "Dad…."_

**Normal P.O.V.**

"Hello Kagome," Mr. Higurashi looked down at her, "I knew I could find you here."

Kagome slowly stepped back, "I'm not leaving with you. I refuse."

"I didn't come here for that."

"Then what do you want?" Kagome looked at her father suspiciously.

"I came here to speak to Mr. Tashio about your living arrangements. I offered to make monthly payments to him in return to keep you save, but he refused and so I settle on just paying your insurance for you car."

Kagome wasn't really paying attention to anything he was saying. All the times he abused her just kept playing like a movie in her head.

**In the wasteland, on the way to the Red Queen**

**Its no wonder our stage clothes have dreams to be famous**

**The trees in the courtyard are painted in blood**

**So I've heard she hangs the headless upside down to drain**

**Eat me, drink me**

**This is only a game**

"I'll never forgive you…even when I'm dead, I'll still remember."

He didn't say anything, but she could see his hazel eyes turning yellow with anger.

"I hate you."

**I was invited to a beheading today**

**I thought I was a butterfly next to your flame**

**A rush of panic and the lock has been raped**

**This is only a game**

**This is only a game**

Kagome watched everything is slow-motion as his hand came up from his side. _That's right, hit me like you always do. Yeah, make yourself feel like a man, because that's as close as you'll get. _She took a step back and reached for the wall next to her. The images of her own blood spilled on the floor still played in her mind.

**But then the star rushes **

**Feeling like a child looking like a woman**

**Shes been forecast with attempt to kill herself**

**But the ending didn't test well**

**Eat me, drink me**

**This is only a game**

Still watching his hand she felt hers touch a picture frame on the wall, she turned her head to face it. It was a picture of Sesshoumaru when he was young standing under a Sakura tree in traditional style kimono. _He's so beautiful._ She unconsciously brushed her fingers along the outline of his face. Time speed back up. "When you die, just know that I'm the one who killed you."

**So picking my skin and my scales**

**I see my horror mirrored in your sundown of a blank stare**

**Eat me, drink me**

**Eat me, drink me**

**This is only a game,**

**This is only a game**

Kagome didn't even bother to face her father when she heard him leave. She just stared at the picture of Sesshoumaru. Something seemed so familiar about it, but she couldn't quite place it. She had been feeling a little strange while she had been in their home. Almost like some force was constantly pushing against her, but at the same time pulling her in.

She let her knees go limp allowing her to fall to the floor. She was so tired, in fact, she was tired all the time. She laid her head on the plush emerald green carpet, wishing the earth would swallow her whole.

**S. P.O.V.**

I finally got out of those damn ropes. They lay on the bed looking like silly string. Now were was the silly little girl. I made my way downstairs, and as I was starting to round the corner, but I hear her voice. I peaked around the corner, she was speaking to her father. I growled. _How dare he show his face in my home!!!_ I wanted to rip him limb from limb. Soon though, he turned and walked away from her. He passed me by. "If you hurt her in any form ever again I'll personally see to your death, " I hissed. He didn't even faulter as I said that. But I didn't care he was no more apart of her life.

I went in to the dining room where she was. I saw her laying on the floor. I rushed to her and tenderly picker her up. She was sound asleep, but I could see her eyes moving under her lids. Her mind would always keep her up. I wish I could save her from all those horrible memories, but I couldn't and that just made me angry. I slowly made my way back upstairs, trying not to wake her.

I gently laid her down on me bed. She was beautiful, her long ebony treases hanging from the bed and spread out all around her. I traced her cheek with the back of my hand. Her skin is so soft and flawless. I had seen women with more beauty than her, better bodies, but they had no personality. Now Kagome, she was different. She was fire and ice. She was a storm brewing underneath the surface. She was the heat on a cold day, and a breeze on a sunny one. She was exotic, Kagome was everything everyone else, including myself wanted. But I needed her like the earth needs the rain, and the animals need the air. I loved Kagome Higurashi, and I loved her with all my heart. In truth, I couldn't even describe what I really felt, what she made me feel. I was at a loss of words for once, so instead I just brushed her hair away from her face with a gentle hand, and watched her sleep.

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**Sorry its another short chapter, and prob doesnt make much sense, but you have to understand. emotions always take a toll on the body. after so longof holding it in when you let it out, even just a little, all you want to do is sleep. you feel exhausted. **

**Song: Eat me, drink me**

**Artist: Marilyn Manson  
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